The Same Dream

As a parent, these are the things I want for my children: for them to feel loved and safe; to be healthy; to feel happy and to thrive.

As a class teacher and a school leader, these are the things I wanted for my pupils: for them to feel cared for and safe; to be healthy; to feel happy and to thrive.

I’m certain these are the main things most parents, carers and educators would want for their children. We might not always speak the same language but, ultimately, we dream the same dream. “We want the same thing” to quote Belinda Carlisle, “…and all that we need is to see it together…”

If we want to have an education system which allows all children to be included and enables everybody to thrive, we have to be able to talk about those parts of the system, and of school life, which can be problematic. There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, this is surely our duty. It’s our duty as parents, carers, educators and citizens.

We have to be able to discuss issues rationally, without being accused of school-bashing or of being ignorant, and without fear of being insulted or silenced. Stakeholders have every right to question policy and practice. You don’t have to be a qualified teacher to talk about what’s happening in classrooms and you don’t have to have sat in the headteacher’s chair to express an opinion about school culture or even leadership. Sure, doing those jobs brings knowledge, insight and significant understanding to the debate, but it doesn’t give the exclusive right to opinions or wisdom.

Expressing Concerns

Time and time again on social media, topics are raised which need discussing: culture; rules; behaviour; attendance management protocols, etc. The problem is, when such topics are raised by parents, journalists, psychologists or non-serving school teachers/leaders, they are typically jumped on. This is particularly the case when people express concern about how particular practices can impact on children’s psychological safety and well-being. It doesn’t matter how informed, how articulate or how well-evidenced their point is, the author will be met with insults and ridicule. Worse, they will be shot down. Sometimes, there’s a concerted effort to silence those who dare to express an opinion. Issues become distorted, words are taken out of context and important matters are trivialised.

An Example

Here’s a recent example of what can happen when people speak out about their concerns.

A few weeks ago, The Guardian published an article about the experiences of some families relating to home visits. The reaction, from some on Edutwitter, was one of horror. But it wasn’t horror of what was being reported, it was horror that it had been published.

This is what happened next on social media:

-People rubbished the article
-People criticised the journalist
-People attacked the newspaper
-People insulted those who had contributed to the article (concerned parents, a headteacher and a lawyer, amongst others)
-People who had contributed to the article were accused of lying.
-“These things do not happen!” critics said definitively, to the people these things have happened to.
-Parents, and those who support them, were described  as “activists” and “militant”.

Whatever anybody actually thinks about that particular article (the tone, the detail, the headline), is this really how professional people in the education sector should respond? With cynicism, judgement, personal insults and rudeness? Denying or downplaying what has been reported? “We’ve never done this as a school, therefore no school ever does this.”

As it happens, that article about home visits was timely and hugely important. (For the record, the content was true. Yes, the practices reported do sometimes happen.) The article wasn’t saying that home visits aren’t ever necessary. It wasn’t saying that schools should ignore their statutory safeguarding duties. Rather, it was saying that some schools’ approaches to home visits can be problematic. This is a truth. Some of the things in the article have happened to me and my family, and they’ve happened to many other people I know. Why would I share this? Why would I speak out? Because I want to share our experience, to help bring about positive change for others

If home visits result in children vomiting, in exacerbating symptoms of their mental health, in their parents feeling threatened and in families feeling unsupported, then we have to talk about that. We are compelled to do better. That’s not school-bashing or teacher-bashing. The point is simply that some things aren’t right. Some actions have consequences that people aren’t even aware of. There’s sometimes a dichotomy between how things are intended and how they land. We are, after all, only human.

If a child’s attendance level or attitude or behaviour or health is concerning – and if people (parents, teachers, other professionals) know what might be behind the problem – then there’s a duty to talk about it.

Learning from Lived Experience

I’ve written much, over the last year, about how one of my daughters fell ill and fell out of school, and about her ongoing recovery. As parents, we haven’t always got everything right. School hasn’t always got everything right. These journeys are hard to navigate. But we’ve been open and honest. We’ve talked to school staff regularly. When things have gone wrong, we’ve shared what’s happened and we’ve reflected on what could have been done differently. The school has listened, reflected and, where appropriate, made changes to policy and practice. This process of learning and evolving has benefited our daughter and it will benefit many more pupils too.

It’s important to note that our family’s journey (which isn’t over yet) isn’t typical of families in our situation. For many children, support comes too late. Their health deteriorates. Their overall well being deteriorates. When their absences become a problem and they can’t achieve the goals which are set, they fall out of school altogether. The consequences are profound for the child and their whole family.

Doing Things Differently in Difficult Times

The Guardian’s article about home visits could have been about any number of other topical issues: school rules; rewards and sanctions; exclusion. It would likely have been met with similar hostility in certain camps. Concerns about children’s psychological safety are often downplayed or distorted.

We’re living in difficult times, when elements of our current education system are having a detrimental effect of huge numbers of children and young people. I say this as someone who loves teaching, who believes in education and who thinks that schools are amazing places.

In these difficult times, we have some seismic issues to address:

What are we actually going to do about the fact that one and a half million of our children (and counting) urgently require mental health support?

What are we going to do about the fact that millions of children are struggling to attend school or engage fully with learning?

What are we going to do about the fact that so many children are dysregulated in school, falling out of the school system or being excluded?

What are we going to do about the fact that so many families feel disenfranchised?

What are we going to do about the fact that so many educators aren’t well or happy in the work place, and that so many children aren’t well or happy in school?

Surely, if we want to fix these problems, we need to be able to discuss the underlying issues?

One of the biggest problems facing our education system is division. In 2024, too many parents see school as the enemy and too many people in education see parents as the enemy. We’ve been pitted against each other, through words, policy and ideology.

“Why are parents being so difficult?” exasperated educators are asking.

“Why are schools being so difficult?” exasperated parents are asking.

When We Come Together

I attended a conference recently. It was as powerful, thought-provoking and important as any event I ever attended in my career. Parents, school leaders, system leaders, lawyers and other professionals came together. We talked about some hugely pertinent matters affecting children and the education system. They’re matters which can start off small but which can end up being matters of life and death.

The event wasn’t about school-bashing or anti-school activism. It was the opposite of that. It was about wanting to influence change – change which benefits everyone. It was about sharing, reflecting, seeing things differently and exploring solutions to complex problems which are spiralling out of our control.

Nobody’s the enemy.

We can bring about change and we can make many things better simply by talking and listening, and working together. Our children deserve that.