I’m writing this blog as the father of a twelve year old girl who has been consumed by an anxiety disorder this year. This is our lived experience and it’s a journey we’re still navigating.
I’m writing this blog as a man who, alongside his wife, comforted his daughter when she vomitted and reassured her when she sobbed with the pain of intense headaches. I’m the dad who held his daughter’s hand when she cried herself to sleep and helped her to control her breathing when she woke with panic attacks in the middle of the night. I’m writing this as a parent who was told his child was “fine in school” but who saw that his daughter was breaking.
I’m writing this blog as someone who understands the education system and who understands the particular pressures on school leaders around pupil attendance. I was a primary school Headteacher for 12 years, until earlier this year. I’ve led or been part of the TAC process, the PSPs and the attendance panel meetings. I’ve had “those” conversations with local advisors and Ofsted inspectors about attendance figures, absence causes and action plans for improvement. I’ve had the overall responsibility for children’s well-being and for managing their attendance.
I’m writing this blog because an inordinate number of young people are suffering from anxiety, to some degree. It’s an incredibly misunderstood condition which attracts much judgement. The truth is, anxiety can be debilitating for a child and it can turn a family’s world upside down. If we wish to support the children in our classes and in our schools, and more widely in society, we need to understand what they’re experiencing.
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My daughter is just like many girls of her age. She’s funny, bright, caring, creative and popular. My daughter generally enjoyed primary school. She worked hard, had fun and achieved well. In Year 6, she was content and flourishing. As an aside, she has always been blessed with good health. She’s typically bounced back from minor illnesses and has had excellent attendance every year at primary school.
The onset of my daughter’s anxiety coincided with the transition to secondary school, last September. There was no specific incident but she found the change very difficult. As the autumn term progressed, what many people saw was a girl who was crying and frozen to the car, glued to her mum and reluctant to pass through the school gates. What we saw, as parents, was our daughter struggling, suffering and changing. What our daughter saw was a school on fire.
The rest of this blog is a metaphor. Many people see anxiety as nothing more than natural worry. Others focus on the attendance issues and see anxiety as school avoidance. I’ve come to see that, for my daughter and many others, it’s not just a few worries and it’s not school avoidance. It’s more complicated and more dangerous than that. It’s “School on Fire”.
If a child has an anxiety disorder and if school is one of the triggers for them, then school is effectively a burning building.
The child knows that flames are dangerous.
They know that smoke is dangerous.
The child senses danger.
The roads to school lead to a burning building.
The school gates lead to a burning building.
The school doors open into a burning building.
The corridors lead to burning classrooms.
There’s a threat.
Adrenaline over-drive.
FEAR.
The child does not want to enter the burning building.
They might have lots of friends there.
There might be things they like there.
But the school is on fire.
Some school staff might be kind and patient. They offer comfort and reassurance; they’re trying to dampen the flames, at least.
Some school staff might be frustrated and stern. They can tell you off for not conforming. They might threaten a sanction. When they do, they stoke the fire.
Caring people and cross people. Some of the flames are higher than others but a fire’s a fire.
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The parent tries to reassure their child that school will be ok but the child sees a school on fire.
The teachers and support staff try to encourage the child to come in but the child sees a school on fire.
You can offer the child less time in school but it’s still on fire.
The child doesn’t want to burn alive. Not for a day, not for half a day and not for half an hour. They want the fire to be put out.
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You can offer the child a different room or a particular member of staff but the building is still on fire.
Compassion is good.
Adjustments are good.
But there’s still danger all around.
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If the child won’t go into the fire, the school might send a member of staff to the child’s home, to check on their welfare.
They knock on their front door.
Now the flames have reached the child’s own home.
Home was safe but now home doesn’t feel safe.
The flames are getting closer.
Adrenaline over-drive.
FEAR.
Some children might make it in to school. Or into some lessons, at least.
They might even seem ok there.
They’re trying really hard to do what is expected of them.
They’re masking but it’s not a gas mask.
Some children are really good at masking; it doesn’t mean they’re fine.
They’re suffering quietly: suffocating from fumes.
It’ll take its toll. Adrenaline isn’t good at this level – not continuously.
The school’s on fire.
In the safety of home, the parent tries to talk to their child about school. But this stokes the fire too.
The anxious mind can’t discern the difference between perceived threat and real threat. So it’s “just” a conversation but the child responds with fear.
FEAR.
Adrenaline over-drive.
School’s on fire.
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It’s not just school though. By the time that school’s on fire, there’s a good chance that other things are on fire too. Other things that used to be enjoyable and routine: visiting friends’ homes; journeys in the family car; going to the shops, to parties or to the cinema…
Burning school.
Burning home.
Burning thoughts.
Burning conversations.
Life in flames.
Adrenaline wreaking havoc.
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The anxious child finds themself in a burning world.
It’s not their fault.
They don’t want to get burned and they don’t like the feelings of imminent danger and being on high alert.
It’s exhausting.
It’s confusing.
It’s consuming.
It’s painful.
And it’s misunderstood.
School Tales of the Unexpected 
Hi Steve – we’ve crossed paths on Twitter. It’s a great blog. I have a daughter who had very similar experiences to yours. I’ve recently carried out a survey of parents in my LA on 55 parents of children with EBSA through our parent carer forum. I did this in response to the LA’s guidance on EBSA which I thought was very poor and had very little input from parents/carers or children. I’m now thinking of developing a toolkit for other parent carer forums so that they can do something similar. I would really like to promote this further and wonder if you’d be interested in looking at it when it’s finally finished, to see if it’s something that you could support. I’ve done all this on a voluntary basis and I’d distribute it without charge. Let me know your thoughts.
Best
Tim
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Hi Tim,
Thanks for your message and kind words about my blog.
Your work sounds very interesting and, goodness knows, there’s a need for it!
I would be very happy to support your toolkit development in any way.
Best wishes,
Steve
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Hi, I am a retired teacher and SENCO and send my best wishes. I was not able to help my pupils with the training (CPD) I was being given by LEA so went in search of other approaches. What you are describing would suggest the effects of a reactivated Moro Reflex, the Primitive stage of the adult/postural Fight or flight reflex. This is firstly a physiological reaction to trauma ; physical, emotional, viral or chemical. If not addressed. It becomes a psychological problem too. It can be helped but this is usually privately provided. Out if reach of the huge numbers of the population who need it. I used the knowledge gained to devise a Developmental exercise and Listening programme to use at home, or in school with individuals, small groups or whole classes in the shortest time and little cost. I have been using it effectively for nearly 40 years and now, in my 80s, am still being asked to train others, mistly schools and nurseries. No advertising, word of mouth only from those who use it and find it eorthwhile.This is not for financial gain but as a sincere wish, as a Christian, to help others. I am happy to provide more information.
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Hi Brenda,
Thank you for taking the time to write. Apologies for my slow reply.
Your work sounds invaluable and very interesting. My daughter is recovering steadily, having benefitted from both private and NHS support. If you have further information about your programme, I would be interested to read it.
Best wishes,
Steve
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Hello. My heart goes out to u Steve and the other parents here, sharing experiences of their children not being able to attend school. I have a son who was also very averse to school. I myself had issues with school. But here’s the thing. My son has a Masters degree now and a very good job at a university. (I got a degree as a mature student and run my own budiness after teaching at university level).
Contrary to what we are told by the establishment, not going to school does not mean you do not get an education and mostly does not mean neglect by parents. Forcing children into school, as one parent commented here, is plain child abuse. It’s appalling and should not be happening. Thank you all for your courage on behalf of your lovely children.
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Hi Liz
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m sorry to hear of the issues which you and your son had in relation to school. It’s wonderful to hear how you have both gone on to thrive.
The current narrative about school being the most important thing in the world is deeply misplaced.
Sending my very best wishes!
Steve
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Hi, thank you so much for this. Firstly, I am sorry this is happening to your daughter, it is debilitating, worrying and life changing. We are experiencing this exact scenario, it is scary how exact this is. A flourishing child lost in the space of a couple of months. School are good but also been told ‘we can’t do this forever’. She cannot do simple things anymore, couldn’t even go through a drive thru a couple of days ago.
If you have any actions or recommendations that have worked with your child then I would be great full if you would share them as we are sinking here.
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Hi Daniel,
Thank you for your message. I’m sorry to hear your daughter is struggling too.
Our daughter began to struggle a few weeks into Year 7, last autumn. Headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks, sleep problems. The school didn’t really take it seriously. Increasingly, the morning drop off became very distressing.
My wife and I self-referred to Healthy Minds “Here for You”. Sadly, after an initial phone triage appointment, we heard nothing for months.
By January, our daughter’s overall health was deteriorating rapidly. She felt sad almost all the time. She wasn’t sleeping, was having nightmares and wouldn’t eat or drink on school days (until after school).
She also started to hurt herself.
Having been a Headteacher, I knew that local waiting times for mental health support services were many months and sometimes years. My wife and I knew that we couldn’t wait and we knew that school was a big part of the problem. We decided to seek private support. We also decided to temporarily remove our daughter from school. We did this with the school’s support, on the condition.that she would continue to access some learning remotely.
Our daughter stopped attending school in early February. At that time, she had become so consumed by anxiety that we more or less stopped going out. She couldn’t cope with car journeys, we couldn’t have visitors to the house and she stopped wanting to play with her siblings.
All of this coincided with me leaving my job (I have Long Covid) and the bonus of this was that I could be at home with our daughter.
What I learned was that anxiety is essentially fear and that an anxiety disorder takes hold when a person’s body is producing too much adrenaline. So we spent months on a mission to reduce our daughter’s adrenaline level. As the adrenaline reduced, her anxieties slowly began to ease.
Over many months, we developed a daily routine of activities which were good for our daughter. These included going for walks (very short at first), gardening, art and craft, and baking. We also bought her two Guinea pigs, which have been brilliant for her.
In late February, we commenced a programme of private support for our daughter. This was online and there was support for us, as parents, as well as 3 sessions per week for our daughter.
Eventually, our Healthy Minds referral was also successful, and we have recently competed that programme of support too.
Our daughter’s reintegration into school life has been very slow and very considered. She started by attending Gardening Club (one to one) for an hour a week, in late April. It has taken three school months to move from that to going back into a single lesson. But tyr crucial thing is, our daughter is recovering. She’s no longer consumed by anxiety and her life and ours is returning to more like “normal”.
I hope all of this helps. Our approach has been unconventional. Many schools are so obsessed with attendance that they can’t see the word for the trees. We took our daughter out of school because school was on fire.
I’d be happy to speak toyou about any of this (Zoom, Teams, etc) if you would find that helpful.
Sending best wishes and solidarity.
Steve Bladon
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Hi Steve, would you mind sharing what private programme you used. Looking at one at the moment but not sure, would be useful to have some information from someone who has used something similar. Many thanks.
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Hi Rosemary,
I’m not sure how private these messages are on WordPress so I won’t share details here.
Please email me at stevebladon75@gmail.com and I’ll gladly respond!
Best wishes,
Steve
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What a powerful metaphor for EBSA which I think should be shared far and wide. The term ‘School Refusal’ is a gross misinterpretation of the terrible experiences of many SEND children who are forced into environments which don’t meet needs. This really struck a chord with me as my son between reception and year 2 was forced in, under the instruction of authorities with teachers and headteachers/social workers visiting and phoning the home. What you have described here is the feelings which not only surface in school but the infiltrate into every area of life, up to the point where even talking about school or mentioning the word triggers a fight or flight response.. My son, almost 13 has a bespoke programme at home as he was so traumatised. Interesting indeed that you should use the fire as an analogy which is very apt.
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Hi Joanne,
Thanks for reading my blog and for taking the time to respond.
I also detest the terms “refusal” and “avoidance”. I think these words are emotive and they incorrectly frame the entire situation.
I’m sorry your son was so traumatised. I’m glad he has bespoke provision now.
Best wishes,
Steve
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Hi Steve
Thank you for writing this article. Your experience is similar to ours with our son although his anxiety showed up earlier than secondary school transition. He is currently virtually learning through an online school.
Can I please ask what private support you accessed for help with the anxiety? Ive struggled to find the right support with availability as many are full and have waitlists.
I was happy to read that your daughter is doing much better.
Jo
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Hi Jo,
Thank you for your kind comments. I’m sorry your son has been suffering too.
We went to an online support service for my daughter. This was partly because, at the time, she was unable to get in the car and we couldn’t find any counselling/support services locally.
The service we used seems to go by several names. It was “Young Vibes” when we found it on Facebook. It has also been “Satsie Thomas”. There were several dimensions to their support. First, it started with groups sessions for parents. My wife and I attended two to three sessions online per week. During these sessions, we all talked about our children and we learned about anxiety.
The second part was that my daughter was assigned a “mentor”. She met her mentor, via Zoom, three times a week, from about April to August. The sessions were brief (sometimes just 5 or 10 minutes) and informal.
I’ll be very honest with you. I’m not sure I would recommend this company. Their organisation is clumsy and they change things regularly. However, their support was invaluable for us. My wife and I gained a really deep understanding of anxiety and what it was doing to our daughter. Our daughter’s mentor was also excellent and she really made a difference. Sorry if this sounds a bit contrary.
I wish you the very best!
Steve
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Hi I have just signed up to this same programme – have just completed the patents section and about to commence the child’s part , was it worth doing in your opinion ? Thanks
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Hi Kareh,
Thanks for reaching out.
I’m quite conflicted about the service in question. On the one hand, for me and my wife, and for our daughter, the programme was beneficial and a big part of the recovery journey. On the other hand, I question some of the things that Sam says and I’m not convinced by their business ethics.
On balance though, we urgently needed help, and they helped.
We couldn’t have waited any longer for NHS support.
Best wishes to you,
Steve
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Hi Steve,
Reading through your blog, it’s like I could have written it myself. My daughter is 13 and has struggled so much since starting secondary school 2 years ago but it’s become catastrophic since October. We’ve had so many absences but now it’s like she’s become so anxious that all our coping mechanisms that we had before, our now Ineffective. I feel like I’m facing an impossible situation , do we keep trying each day or do I stop and leave her home? I work in education too meaning I can’t be home with her. We’re starting counselling in a week and we’ve had 8 sessions with Mind but, if anything, I feel like things have become worse. School are trying to support us, reduced timetable and a trusted person in school but the torment of not knowing how I can best support my daughter is damaging me and lord only knows how much it’s damaging my daughter. Any guidance on what therapies have worked would be appreciated.
Thanks for listening
Lou
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Very powerful
This is our life right now with our 11 year old son. His school has been in the news due to staff fearing for their own safety so some of his fears are reality. I’ve no idea how to make it better. There’s no space elsewhere.
We just try to listen, hold space for him and hope it gets better. Some staff are sympathetic, most are completely overwhelmed. I hope things get better for your daughter.
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Hi Emma,
I’m sorry to hear your son is suffering too. There’s a whole other dimension when the school has significant behaviour issues.
You’re doing the very best thing for your son – wrapping him in love.
Best wishes,
Steve
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My daughter experienced something similar after half term, but she’s in year 6, same primary she been in since reception. I loved reading the frankness of your blog. It’s exactly that. It’s on fire. It’s unsafe. No one should be expected to walk into a fire (except of course firemen). Thank you.
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Thank you for reading my blog and for your kind comments!
Best wishes to you and your family.
Steve
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This resonates with me so much. It seems to be my 15 year old daughter’s story since she was around 10/11. Neurodevelopment assessments have recently confirmed ASD, ADHD & DCD which changes the shape of the support to address this. We are still learning and working with the school for appropriate adjustments, carefully monitoring and supporting her mental health with therapy. I hear you and thank you for validating the stories that so many parents and children struggle to convey. I wish you and your family best wishes as you work through yours.
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Thank you, Judith!
I wish you and your family all the best!
Steve
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I couldn’t just scroll past without leaving a comment. I first experienced school anxiety at age 12. No one has ever truly understood how I felt or what I was going through. I was just the naughty kid, the school refuser, the one that stood at the school gates clinging to her mums car in floods of tears in full down panic meltdown mode because I couldn’t make myself walk through the gates. They would threaten sanctions and fines one minute, they would offer words of comfort the next then they would get frustrated and threaten to call the police because I made it in but escaped to the outside of the fence so I was able to breathe. Your article truly describes the feeling and it was an exactly as you described. It was like being asked to walk into a burning building every day. Thank you for your understanding and taking the time to write this. It has actually given me some closure they at 36 has been a long time coming. I actually went into social work to help fight the corner of those kids that couldn’t fight it themselves.
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Hi Anna,
Thank you so much for reading my blog and for taking the time to get in touch.
I wrote “Anxiety: School on Fire” after many months of watching my daughter, supporting her and trying to make sense of what she was going through.
I’ve been rather inundated with comments from people who have read the blog in the last week. However, nothing has touched me more that reading your response. I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m sorry you weren’t understood. There have been huge problems in the school system for many years and mental health issues have been, and continue to be, widely misunderstood.
I’m so very pleased that my words have resonated. I’m incredibly moved that you have said it’s given you some closure. I can’t comprehend what you have been through.
I thinks it’s amazing that you have chosen a career in social care. It’s such important work. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you again for getting in touch. I wish you the very best!
Steve Bladon
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Honestly I meant every word. If there is ever anything I can do to help raise awareness or support your cause please don’t hesitate to contact me.
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Hi Anna,
Feel free to say “no” to this but I just thought it’s worth an ask. I wonder if you would let me share some or all of your previous message to me – fully anonymised of course? Your response to my blog has really validated my words. If anybody challenges me with the content of my blog, it would be very powerful to be able to share how it had resonated with you.
I’m on a mission to change people’s perception of anxiety and mental health. This afternoon I had a meeting with the DfE. In a couple of weeks, I’ll be speaking about “School on Fire” at a big event on Zoom for education staff, with 850 schools attending. I’m hoping this is just the beginning.
As I say, feel free to say “no” if you’d prefer your words to remain private.
Best wishes,
Steve
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It may be of small solace, but I left CAMHS to set up my Community Interest Company as a Mental Health and Autism nurse specialist. I realized that professionals did not ‘see’ there was a need, and Education and Health were more often passing the young person as a ‘hot potato’ insisting it was not their responsibility. Further, many of my colleagues would ask to swap cases seeing me as a specialist. If change was to happen, I needed to make it happen. I felt that with nearly 30 years clinical work across A&E, Community and specialist (all ages in every area of mental health) I was probably one of the few nurses who could strike out independently.
I am so glad I did. Nearly 4 years later and we remain one of the very few support agencies providing support for young people and their families with issues around poor or crisis mental health. Rather than just one team assign me clients, my clients come to me from all over the world, although predominantly in the UK. I spend so much time helping a young person repair their mental health, as well as healing a family with new understanding and hope for the future. I am accruing data all the time to add evidence to the work I am doing of which some of it is being put through its paces at my university as a model of care. It is hoped this model of care will change how we support our mental health in a very different way.
My frustration are with those members at the top in their ivory towers who make decisions without considering the challenges being faced at grass root levels. But also when schools dismiss parents views forgetting that many parents are professionals in their own right, and live with their child 24/7, so know them better than anyone outside of the household environment. Further, very few parents make stuff up to keep their child at home, but some of the ways we treat our parents and young people is just simply barbaric and not acceptable. However, my biggest driver for setting up The M Word cic was my anger that children and teenagers can be subjected to utter cruelty and distress that saddles them with poor mental health for the rest of their lives, something they never signed up for. We then wonder why many young people commit suicide.
Knowledge shared helps us grow in our understanding. Collectively we can raise awareness, and drive change. L
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Good Morning Lavinia,
Thank you for reading my blog and for sharing this information about your experience and current work.
I agree with all you say!
Thank you for what you do. This is vital work.
I would be very happy to chat or to contribute to the M Word in any way that might be helpful.
Kind regards,
Steve Bladon
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Hi there. I feel like I’m reading about my grandaughter. You’ve just told her story. It’s been a heartbreaking journey.
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I’m so sorry your granddaughter is suffering too.
Sending my best wishes and solidarity.
Steve
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We came out the other side.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
For our family it started during primary school and after a few family traumas; death of best friend, dad falling ill and mum falling ill due to cancer. Family members passing away.
Fear of death set in and separation anxiety.
By the time we got to secondary school we were in the eye of the storm.
No support, no understanding or care.
As a mother, I was told my daughter was attention seeking, also I need to attend a parenting class as it’s my fault.
And the threat of fines was mounting.
My other daughters were fine.
The torture is real, family life in tatters, can’t go out, worried all the time and hatred of the word “school”.
My 14 year old daughter was constantly (every night) being sick, was not sleeping properly, self harming, and unable to eat on a school day.
She was like a zombie, pale, lifeless and just existing.
Eventually took her out of school, had home tutoring and got help from CAMHS.
She was put on a high dose of medication, of which I was sceptical and is only a sticking plaster I know.
She returned to school on a reduced timetable and passed her GCSE’s. Not all of them successfully but the majority with results as good as the kids that turned up to school.
She is now in her second year of college and working a part time job.
The anxiety is still there but life is easier.
The best thing you can do is provide love, comfort and support to your child, not easy I know when the education officers are banging on the door.
Education is really important and plays a role in shaping our children but for those who suffer with anxiety of any kind, or have illness we must learn to support these children too instead of punishing them or the families.
Best wishes to all who are suffering at the moment and hope that one day things can get better.
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Gah, I wrote a big comment but think I lost it. Check out Dr Naomi Fisher for brilliance about school refusal and mental health and alternatives. I hope it gets better for you all. Kindest wishes, Sue.
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Thank you, Sue!
I follow Dr Naomi and I think her advice is brilliant.
Best wishes,
Steve
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I can relate so much to this; I had huge anxiety issues at Junior School; in Year 2 they gave you no support with transitioning to Juniors; it was just the last day of term and then in just a few months later you were expected to just get on with a completely different school, building, teachers and in a class that was 3x the size. Teachers made it worse by expecting you to be friends with everyone; I spent so much of my time at Junior school running out of class just to get away from the overwhelming social stimuli. My junior school also enforced a different writing style to what I’d been taught and if you didn’t form your letters and put a margin on every page you were threatened with detentions.
In comparison, I actually found senior school to be a more pleasant and ‘chill’ environment but I only really flourished again once I’d started animal management at college!
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Hi Luke,
Thank you so much for reading my blog and taking the time to write.
It’s very interesting – though sad – to read about your personal experience with anxiety.
I’m so glad to read that you flourished again at college.
Sending my very best wishes,
Steve
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Wow. This could have been written about our granddaughter. At the very beginning of problems with school we asked to see an educational psychologist. We were told they no longer see individual pupils, only deal with staff. She did see one eventually but only once it was proved she was just about catatonic. Too late, damage done. 8 years later our daughter is still fighting with the LA for care. Our granddaughter is now twenty, highly intelligent and diagnosed with autism. She cannot speak because of her selective mutism and does not go out. We are between despair and hope after tiny steps forward, then large steps back because authorities see progress as an excuse to remove levels of support.
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Hi Judith,
I’m really sorry to read about your grand daughter’s struggles and your family’s battle. How cruel the system can be.
Sending my best wishes and solidarity to you and your family.
Kind regards,
Steve Bladon
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This is so eloquently put. Our daughter started experiencing this when she moved to a new sixth form. She was absent for half the time due to vomiting and her weight plummeted. She wouldn’t eat because it made her feel sick and we were terrified she was moving towards anorexia. Thankfully, for us, we went into lockdown due to covid and within a week she was better. She started to open up a little and we found out she was being ‘bullied’ by her group of friends. She asked if she could move to another college and change direction completely which we supported. Although she ended up a year behind it was best decision she could have made as she had a really positive experience and made some lovely friends. While we were initially (and briefly) disappointed that she was turning her back on her A’Levels, removing her from the situation she was in restored her health and equilibrium which is more important than any exams!
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Hi Chris,
Thank you for writing and for your kind comments.
I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s struggles but it’s great to hear that she has improved after the change of setting.
You are absolutely right – health is more important than any exams!
Best wishes to you all!
Steve
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Hi Steve, thank you. Two of my children have gone through this. One is now at uni where she is thriving, due in part to weekly support from an autism specialist. The other struggles on, now barely able to leave the house. I work in a pupil referral unit and see so many students with these same anxieties. Just to read all these comments and your blog has helped.
I wish you all the very best as you navigate the crumbling support services and fight for your child and the others in the same place.
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for taking the time to write. I’m sorry for my slow reply.
I’m sorry to hear your two children have suffered too. It’s a frightening and all-consuming condition.
Sending much love and solidarity to you and your family.
Steve
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